Walmart offers Chuck Sambuchino's How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) in hardcover for $6.57. (Amazon charges the same with free shipping for Prime members.) Opt for in-store pickup to avoid a $5.99 shipping fee. That's the lowest price we could find by $4. Unlike the Google Gnome, this book is real and actually available for purchase. (Also real: the threat of garden gnomes. You can't ever be too careful around those plastered, bearded smiles.)